Anti-Panel, Week 2: Stick to your kinks. Avoid discussing the Holocaust.

As week two wraps up, The Line sincerely regrets that this ended up being necessary advice. Can't wait for week three!

She said WHAT!?

During the election, and then once after to wrap-up, The Line has assembled a panel of partisans, but fun ones! People we know and like. They’re going to help us analyze the campaign, but they’ve also agreed to give some honest feedback to their own parties. Though we suspect we might have to force them into that each week. We have Amanda Galbraith, partner at Oyster Group, offering a Conservative perspective; Kim Wright, principal and founder at Wright Strategy, bringing the NDP angle; and Jamie Carroll, self-described long time Liberal hack and founder of Carroll & Co Consulting Inc., making the case for the Red team.

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The Line: A lot happened this week. A lot. But not a lot of it felt like it was that relevant to the election — even U.S. President Donald Trump's "Liberation Day" tariff announcement hit Canada less hard than expected. Before we get to the fighting part, I'll just ask each of you — was there something this week that you think didn't get the attention it deserved? A story, a moment, an issue?

Jamie Carroll: Events, dear boy, events. Man, am I getting mileage out of that line these days. Look, it’s a process story, and while each incident has gotten attention, the overall issue hasn’t: who the fuck is vetting candidates and people hanging around leaders?!?

Props to the Western Standard (not something I get to say very often) with their headline: "NDP goes tits-up, features OnlyFans porn model in anti-Israel rant with Jagmeet Singh."

The 13-year-old boy in me giggled hard. But the political hack in me said: "Nice to take a risk on putting the NDP leader with an edgy influencer, but maybe Google beyond her OnlyFans content first?? Like, wtf?"

But the other two main parties are no better. The Libs dumped a former NDP MLA for his support for Hamas. The Tories dumped four for knowable events. This should all have been foreseen and responses prepared well in advance — not dumping candidates two weeks into an actual campaign that everyone knew was coming. And that’s without mentioning Paul Chiang!

Now, on the fighting: what the fuck are Jenni [Byrne, CPC campaign director] and Pierre [Poilievre] thinking??? The look, feel, and tone of the CPC campaign has fundamentally not moved away from its initial, pre-planned Trumpiness. I just noticed someone observe on the Twitter machine that Pierre managed to do two whole days of substance rather than attack — but is now once again squarely focused on Mark Carney’s father saying shit in 1965 that we would now clearly consider racist.

Like … okay? How does this in any way relate to the existential threat to Canada that is at the core of this election? Hint: it fucking doesn’t! And that’s the CPC problem: they can’t attack Trump because about a third of their core base are fans, and those are the folks filling Pierre’s rallies.

Finally, in the spirit of the anti-panel — hat tip to Kim’s team, the NDP, for the idea of a War Bond-type program to help get us through the Trumpocalypse. I think that both the social/political and economics of that plan make a lot of sense, and it’s something Carney & Co should immediately look at stealing after the election.

Amanda Galbraith: Hi friends! We're back again.

First, that headline was fantastic. Second, I want to state clearly that I have nothing against OnlyFans creators. I could care less how girlfriend makes her money — do you, sell all the feet pics you want. But having people like that on the campaign bus with the leader just demonstrates to me this is not a serious campaign. He's running to be prime minister, not a contestant on Celebrity Big Brother.

On a more serious note, she was rightly turfed for her anti-Israel commentary. The NDP campaign statement was wild, though: "We do not vet every creator we speak to, but we are reviewing how we engage with online voices to ensure alignment with our values.” Sorry ... you aren't vetting who gets on the campaign bus with your leader? Ooookay. Say it with me: not a serious campaign.

On a story I wish got more air? I really liked the Conservative announcement on Sunday that any person or business selling an asset will pay no capital gains tax when they reinvest the proceeds in Canada. That is huge, and would create a powerful incentive for companies and individuals to invest and reinvest in Canada rather than offshore it (*cough* Carney and Bermuda *cough*). That, coupled with the bizarre move to try and hang on to Paul Chiang, felt like the CPC was finally getting some momentum on the Liberals and then, predictably, Trump came and just flipped the table.

Also, I was deeply amused at Carney's response to the strawberry question during Cinq Chefs on RDI. He looked like he was about to choke and then just gives the honest answer: I'm PM, I don't get to buy my groceries anymore. This is absolutely true, but can you imagine any other candidate saying this? If Trudeau had said that he'd be BBQ'd. And the internet is certainly trying to make it a thing. Carney is really, really not a practiced politician and it shows. I just wonder if this starts to catch up to him in the next 24 days?

I will respectfully disagree with my friend James (who I have only met virtually but have decided we'd get along quite well, even if both of us swear too much) on the tone of the CPC campaign. I was there at Poilievre's economic keynote on Wednesday in Toronto. It was a measured and prime ministerial in tone, a direct response to the tariffs and he did it early in the day to get ahead of the story before Trump sucked up all the oxygen. They've dropped some of the more niche issues the base likes to fetishize from his stump speech (WEF, etc.) and even visually you see him behind a Maple Leaf podium to give off PM vibes (we live in a visual world after all). Also, candidly, I am SICK, so SICK of everyone blaming Jenni for everything that ails the Conservative campaign. We do not do that with any other campaign team. I'm not out here saying Anne McGrath (who is a smart and impressive strategist in her own right) is the reason Singh is in single digits. So maybe let’s not take her name in vain. She's a fucking amazing campaigner and that woman knows how to win. If anyone can figure it out, Jenni can.

Kim Wright: Thanks, all. I truly wish that some of the excellent policy announcements Jagmeet made in response to Trump — like the Victory Bonds, his announcement that we should have Canadian-made fighter jets, that he got many more labour endorsements this week, and his GST exemptions for Made In Canada products — were what we were talking about. Hell, I’d take a conversation about Carney’s support of tax havens and other “perfectly legal” corporate shenanigans. I would take a discussion about Maxime Bernier’s weird attempt at an April Fool’s joke suggesting a merger of the PPC and the CPC and that he should be deputy leader. Or an in-depth discussion of whatever the hell that truly revisionist history piece of “biography” in Maclean’s about Jenni Byrne was ….

But as they say, sex sells.

This week, we heard a lot about Pierre’s weird drop-in line about biological clocks during his housing announcement. I instead would like to have had the important and honest conversations about fertility, the changes needed, and the challenges. (Shout out to Amanda and Line contributor Melanie Paradis for their important additions to that discussion, much better than any politician.)

Mostly, I’m saddened by how much of my week was consumed with hearing about an OnlyFans creator. Candidly, the people raising this were far less concerned about her comments than that a political leader would sully themselves with someone who legally sells sex and embraces their sexuality. They were “shocked, shocked I say” that people running their own business, an OnlyFans account, are interested in politics.

I am equally “shocked” given the amount of people who subscribe to various OnlyFans accounts, that people still put up the pretext that they don’t know what an OnlyFans account is. LOL.

I’m sure that those political pearl clutchers will also lie and say that they don’t masturbate. Then again maybe they should start, because it is clear that too many people are in desperate need of more than a few more honest orgasms in their lives. But that is bigger problem for another day … and not one an election campaign will fix.

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Carroll: Well, I for one am unabashedly in favour of orgasms and agree entirely on the disappointing but predictably boring pearl-clutchers who are shocked about a sex worker having opinions. Frankly, if she’d stuck to kink instead of her commentary on the Holocaust it might have been a laudable step forward for our more prudish partisans.

But I want to come (ha) back to Amanda’s point about Jenni: as the only penis-owner on the panel, I want to stress that if this is my male privilege I’ll be as disappointed in myself as anyone, but I think the criticism of Jenni is absolutely apt — just as the previous criticism of Katie Telford often (but not always) was.

And it’s not because they’re mean girls: it’s because both of them came with personalities that meant they were necessarily going to dominate decision-making. If the Liberal campaign was producing polling that looked like it was crashing at the rate of an early SpaceX rocket, you can bet yer ass I’d be piling on Andrew Bevan with just as much vigour.

Leadership roles come with responsibilities. Don’t like it? Don’t take ‘em. And as everyone around Ottawa saw, Jenni et al had been measuring the drapes in the building-formerly-known-as Langevin for two years.

Karma isn't just an OnlyFans creator.

Galbraith: To Kim: Thank you. Melanie said it better — as she often does — but it’s an issue that is truly important to me as an elder millennial mom. And I know it’s important to you. I’m glad we could have the conversation and I hope it is sustained past this election — whatever the results may be.

So in proper Anti-Panel fashion I will say I do think the NDP picked up their socks this week. The campaign looked better and the tax haven announcement Friday was a nice elbow at Carney. We need more of that — even if it isn’t cutting through the noise.

For the Libs, Carney had a good day on Thursday. He met the moment to respond to Trump, did not dial it up too high as his predecessor would have, and instead kept things measured. While I loathe their innate hypocrisy, I am grateful to the Liberal party for sparing me the breathy histrionics we would have had to endure from Justin Trudeau.

As an aside — I cannot abide by the “paused his campaign” horseshit the media keeps saying. My friends, for Carney, being prime minister is the campaign. If he could do that every day I’m sure they would. Candidly, if I were them, I’d hide him on an icebreaker for the next three weeks and hope Canadians keep getting the warm and fuzzies thinking of his resume.

Carroll: I wholeheartedly endorse Amanda’s advice to the Liberal campaign and wouldn’t bet a wooden nickel against it being born out.

Wright: I have two major bits of general Anti-Panel advice this week and one bonus one: 1) There is no such thing as negative campaigning if it’s true and 2) It’s always the campaign manager’s fault. Bonus to follow.

First, we have (already) had so many candidates removed and/or being challenged on things they have actually said and/or shared, with inevitably more to come. This means it is time for my regular and very important campaign reminder: There is no such thing as negative campaigning if it’s true. There are just facts that your opponents would rather you didn’t reveal. It sucks, but it happens, and it is a legitimate practice!

Did you do something dumb? Did you like, subscribe, or support something vile? Did you think you wouldn’t get caught because it was long ago? Did you think it didn’t matter because you and the party may or may not have had a conversation about it during the vetting process? Did you think it didn’t matter because there are way shittier people who have been elected and sometimes celebrated without repercussions?

None of that matters. What matters is how you respond. You may become political roadkill. You may even deserve to become political roadkill. Or you may have dodged a political bullet this time around. But please stop whining about “negative campaigning.”

Second bit of advice: I will never forget the advice my first campaign manager told me. Winning is a team victory and defeat is always the campaign manager’s fault. That said, while a front page filled with palace coups might seem fun, get you clicks, or emotionally feel like you are more noble for speaking truth. Undermining your campaign team in the midst of the campaign is a fucking awful thing to do. No matter what they do to deserve it. Karma and Hubris remain major things in political life and people in politics have long memories.

Bonus Anti-Panel thought: Speaking for Team Orange, like Amanda, I was so happy to see how they tightened the message, the visuals, and the focus this week. They have had major stops with labour, with premiers Eby and Kinew, and had a really great time on Radio Canada’s “Cinc chefs, une élection.” Keep showing who Jagmeet authentically is with a campaign filled with a lot of joy and defiance … and maybe throw some more sharp elbows along the way.

The Line: I think we’ve set a Line record for orgasm references with this one. Can’t wait to see what record we set next time. Jamie and Amanda have both taken the time to say something nice about the other guys, so I’ll ask them to offer some advice to their own. Kim, I’m going to have to politely insist, orgasms aside, that you say something nice about one of the other teams. That can be our written climax of the week.

Wright: Well, I’m not a total dick, so yes, I can actually say something nice about another team. Yes, Amanda’s right it is smart to keep Carney off the trail and away from reporters’ questions as much as possible. Bad for democracy but smart campaigning for a struggling first-time candidate in these early days.

Also, shout out to the Conservative tour crew who redeemed themselves after last week’s major sign fuck up, with this week’s stylized maple leaf designed to look like the same leaf on the PM’s lectern.

Galbraith: To Team Blue I say: keep on keeping on. The mid-campaign grind is upon you. It’s long. It’s exhausting, and you’ve probably run out of clean underwear if you’re on the road. This part is normally when average Canadians turn away, but I think this time they won’t and the next 10 days leading up to the debate will be the most pivotal point in the campaign for Conservatives. Carney’s support is a mile wide and an inch deep. It’s soft. So keep taking shots and some of them eventually will land.

Political friends who have worked with me know I focus a lot on visuals and love a good podium sign. I think the new Maple Leaf looks fantastic, as do the shots of him with his kids and beautiful wife Ana. More broadly, good luck to all who campaign. We at the Anti-Panel wish you many happy returns and orgasms.

The Line: I guess that’s now official Line policy, which I hadn’t counted on when we started this. Jamie, wrap it up.

Carroll: Carney is so incredibly suited to the current moment — his experience, his tone, his tenor, his substance — that, as Amanda and Kim have said, every day he gets to look like the PM instead of the candidate, he’s golden. Saw it in week one, saw it on Thursday.

What he’s less good at is the bullshit that comes with campaigning. Of course he’s not choosing which box of strawberries are in his kitchen, for fuck’s sake! But he likely needs to stop being put in situations where that sort of shit is likely to be asked. Can't be avoided entirely, but less is better.

His rallies are getting bigger (that's good — big crowd in Scarborough as I'm typing this, Kitchener and Winnipeg the same last few days) and I'm told that the franco staff on the plane are only speaking French to him, particularly in advance of the debates (although according to polling, Quebecers DGAF!).

So overall, Libs need to keep it up and work every day like they're two per cent behind. My big fear if I'm them? Getting out the vote if supporters think it's a done deal. Lots of ways this thing could still go pear-shaped.

Stay tuned for the return of the Anti-Panel in one week.

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