Dispatch from the Front Line: It's October. Surprise!
Dispatch from the Front Line: It's October. Surprise!
New plan: Find Pence, drag him to a bunker, bathe him in sanitizer and lock him in a room with a book and a (male!) Air Force officer with nuclear codes cuffed to his wrist
President Donald J. Trump has COVID-19.
If you find yourself staring at that sentence for a good, long while, well, Line readers, we understand. That's how we started our morning, too. It hasn't gotten much easier to process in the hours since.
Most of the early reaction to the president's diagnosis has focused on the political ramifications of the matter. There's also a lot of schadenfreude fraudulently self-identifying as sincere concern today, because, well, of course there is. Trump's appalling conduct and wilful ignorance throughout the pandemic made this, or something like this, almost inevitable. The president's diagnosis may be a shock, but it's hardly surprising. There is an undeniable strain of poetic justice here, and it'll be fascinating to see the president's adoring "It's a hoax!" supporters give themselves whiplash as they pivot to their new position of grave concern for an obese 74-year-old man's odds against a virus with proven affinity for annihilating the elderly.
It's too soon to begin to assess how this will impact the campaign. The White House has confirmed the president is showing symptoms, though reportedly, they are mild. Even now, we can say this: if Trump suffers no greater hardship than a sniffle or two, he'll still be quarantining for, what? Ten days? Fourteen? There's only 32 days left until election day. This will change the campaign, and not to the president's advantage.
But when you step back from the madness of an election season and ponder the situation with a wider view, the true scale of this weirdness becomes clear.
The stats reassure us that Trump will likely survive. Further, he'll likely survive without requiring hospitalization. But neither of those outcomes are certain — this is the most serious threat to the safety of a sitting president since a lunatic tried to impress Jodie Foster by blowing away the Gipper. (By all accounts, Ms. Foster was not impressed.) Even in a best-case-scenario where Trump shakes this off with need of nothing stronger than aspirin and a nice cup of soup, for the next few days and weeks, the entire U.S. government is going to be on alert for any indication that the commander-in-chief is unwell. U.S. allies and adversaries around the world will be equally keen for intel on the president's O2 sats.
Remember, dear readers: Trump doesn't need to be on death's door to be compromised. A lengthy hospital stay, even if his condition remains reasonably good, may well necessitate at least a temporary transfer of power to Vice President Mike Pence. The president isn't just a candidate for political office in an unusually bitter election — he is, for better or worse, the leader of the free world, and the man with sole authority over the nuclear arsenal that constitutes much of the Western world's security guarantee. Whatever your views on the man, Mr. Trump's health matters more than that of any other living human being. If he isn't able to function at something close to normal efficiency, someone else has to step in. Immediately. Even rumours about the president’s health may prove destabilizing.
Speaking of Pence, reports Friday say that both he and his wife have tested negative for COVID-19, as have other members of the Trump family, including young Barron. We at The Line are pleased to hear it. But may we politely suggest that Pence be taken to some undisclosed secure location, bathed in sanitizer and locked away with a good book, and nice Air Force officer with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist until Trump is clearly out of any danger? (A male officer, obviously.)
And considering how sneaky COVID-19 has proven, perhaps Speaker Pelosi should be given similar treatment?
Because, while it's true that the president's symptoms are reportedly minor, so were Boris Johnson's ... right up until he entered the hospital for a good, long stay. Continuity of government, or COG, isn't something most of us have any reason to think much about. But there are professionals within the U.S. government whose whole job is to ensure that there is never any doubt who is the final authority in the U.S. executive branch. Not quite 24 hours ago, their lives made a hard-right turn into the Twilight Zone. Godspeed to them, and to all of us, as we continue peeking through our fingers at the thought that maybe, just maybe, we’re going to have to start taking seriously things we thought would never, ever concern us.
UPDATE FROM THE LINE LEADERSHIP BUNKER:
We published this Dispatch at 5:16 Eastern time. Look what The Associated Press reported three minutes later:
Gulp.
Then again, there are still things we’re confident we shouldn’t be too fussed about. Much needless wringing of the nation's hands was had on Twitter this week after a 338Canada/Léger poll was released in Maclean's showing that Donald Trump is — wait for it — almost universally disliked in Canada. There were, however, two tiny fruit flies in this soothing national unity ointment.
Joe Biden was preferred by a smaller majority of Conservative Party of Canada voters, and Albertans — by merely 58 and 68 per cent respectively. To put that into perspective, that means Alberta is about as Republican as, uh, California. It also means that a significant majority of the most conservative province in the country would support the party that continues to actively campaign against its primary industry and economic driver.
For once, we at The Line are going to take the least controversial and polarizing position in Canada by noting that we think Donald Trump is a dangerous, racist, narcissistic loon who is leading his followers into a informational void that is increasingly disconnected from any kind of defensible reality. But we also recognize that this is a country of 40 million people; it's not a political monoculture, as much as some people would like it to be. And not everybody is going to see Trump in the same way. Expecting the country to agree on any subject at all with a 90/10 split is not a sane bar. This degree of uniformity of political opinion on Trump is actually extremely unusual. And the performative distress over even a moderate diversity of opinion on the subject is exhaustingly Canadian.
Meanwhile, the polling results you should be worried about are these:
Quibble with the methodology all you like — it does show a substantive growth in the "violence solves my problems" demographic, and we don’t think they’re talking about the people who think that mean words qualify.
On that note, The Line Editor received an unsolicited set of observations from an American fan a few weeks ago that said editor feels compelled to share:
"Just some random observations about the [X Party] in the U.S. It’s not just that their leadership doesn’t care about hypocrisy; they don’t care about anything.
Their elected officials and their media stars are either already rich or they’ve made rich friends by their actions over the last 12 years. They all have landing spots. They can prosper independent of the country or its republic.
They also know that they’re basically dead politically by any normal standard. They wouldn’t have significant power were it not for gerrymandered districts, fear-mongering populism, and court stacking. They’re not just unfair, they’re anti-fair, because fair means they lose.
Under these conditions, they have every incentive to push towards extremism. Their binary poles are “stay in power” or “civil war.” If they can’t have one, they’ll force the other by taking such radical action that deposing them is the only alternative. Then they’ll say they were right, that their opponents were the real radicals.
These people live by playing a small, but significant, group of slavishly-devoted followers against the constitutional system while the majority of people scratch their heads and wonder what’s going on. As long as that uncertainty reigns, they can keep their positions. When it ends, they, personally, win either way.
It’s like walking past a guy who insists that you’re going to fight him, and you don’t want to, but he keeps pushing you until you have to either fight or leave. If you leave, you can’t get the groceries you came for and he wins. But if you fight, he’s protected by his uncle, the sheriff, who will arrest you. And he wins. (Editors’ note: our bolding, for emphasis.)
It’s a sick game, and I’m aghast that we’ve gotten to this spot."
You'll note that we've omitted this observer's political affiliation — though most of you could guess it correctly. And that's because if we were to solicit an observation from someone on the other side of the political spectrum, it would read almost identical to this. Only some details of grievance would be changed. *
When everyone feels justified in using political violence because they're being goaded into it by their opponents — when there does not appear to be room for recourse within legitimate political structures — that's fertile ground for the cycle of violence. It’s a hard line to step back from once it is crossed, and in the end only historians are going to care about which side was right.
God bless, America.
(*Although c’mon guys, a non-partisan commission to impartially designate congressional and senatorial districts based on population should be a gimme. We literally have this already in Canada.)
Roundup:
On Monday, Andrew Potter spent some time recapping the good news and the bad news as Canada, or at least the larger provinces, stare down the barrel of a second wave. The overall picture, though? Not so cheerful: “Last time the economy was healthy, and our governments weren’t up to their earlobes in debt. And we were on the cusp of spring, not staring down the barrel of winter.”
Well, gee, thanks a hell of a lot for that shot of sunshine, Potter.
Ken Boessenkool picked up one of those balls on Wednesday, and ran with it, warning that many of the assumptions about Canada’s fiscal capacity are, if not wrong, are at least worryingly unproven: “The past is not always the best predictor of the future. What if the markets demand a premium to buy Canada’s expired debt now held by the Bank of Canada? What if markets prefer to buy American, German, British and French bonds, but then decide they need an extra premium to buy Canadian bonds?”
It’s a bracing read, but it at least as the virtue of having put a pretty good song in our heads all week. So there’s that.
Meaghie Champion let a bit of air out of the RBG wuz the best, eva! balloon here at The Line on Thursday, noting that, while undeniably on the side of most progressive angels, there’s at least one group of North Americans that has a lot of reason to question the late justice’s imminent sainthood: Indigenous persons. “In 2005, in the case of the City of Sherrill V. Oneida Indian Nation of N.Y.,” Champion wrote, “the U.S. Supreme Court ruled against the Oneidas, after the nation had attempted to assert sovereignty in traditional land they had to re-purchase after it had been illegally acquired.
“Writing the majority position was the late liberal figurehead now being lionized in U.S. media — Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”
Sadly, we have to admit a misstep during the editing process here at The Line. Rather than just write up a boring, bog-standard correction, we chose to meme our shame:
Jonathan Kay popped by The Line on Friday, with a super fun and readable piece that notes, sagely, that the pandemic’s second wave won’t be the same as the first.
But, like, that’s obvious now. Trump didn’t have it the first time.
Anyway. Read Jon’s piece.
Well, that’s all from us, largely because we have nothing left to offer due to shellshock. So we’ll have to relay our final advice to you in gif form. Until next week, friends!
The Line is Canada’s last, best hope for irreverent commentary. We reject bullshit. We love lively writing. Please consider supporting us by subscribing. Follow us on Twitter @the_lineca. Fight with us on Facebook. Pitch us something: lineeditor@protonmail.com
Minor style point, but I find it distracting when Canadian sources refer to the U.S. President as "the president." Since I live in a country that doesn't have a president, but worked at a college that does, "the president" always confuses me wonder for a second why you're talking about my old boss. I realize The Line's mission statement specifically mentioned Canadian and U.S. politics, but I assume you'll cover other relevant international news. In which case, will Emmanual Macron also be "the president"? Seems confusing. I know the U.S. is bigger and closer, but politically we have roughly the same relationship with both countries.
Not a fan of the man, but the gleefulness and sheer inhumane cheering for his death today are rather disturbing. We should not turn into a version of that which we detest. I thought I'd be mostly indifferent to the news, but find myself actually wishing him well.
As a side note, a CNN fact check: https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/17/politics/joe-biden-campaign-ad-trump-coronavirus-hoax-fact-check/index.html