By: Jen Gerson
Well, 84 weeks in and we’ve hit a new low, everybody. Which is a truly incredible accomplishment in 2026, though I have no doubt that the abasement will continue for the foreseeable future.
Earlier this week, noted American alcoholic war simp Pete Hegseth tweeted.
That was our first sign that things are not going well in America-land.
“(this is real)” he wrote above a photograph of two Canadian women, the first a large, uniformed officer; the other a cadet who appeared to be receiving a medal for her participation in the cadets, a non-military youth program aimed at teenagers between the ages of 12 and 18.
The saga began with a Conservative influencer, who trolled the Instagram feed of the Vernon Cadet program in search of anti-Canada bait to further his popularity with the worthiest MAGA nihilists. He found this image and thought; “Yes. Yes, I will tweet this this to piss on the Canadian military.” He then responded gleefully when Hegseth amplified the nugget, because this is what Conservatism in Canada is now, I guess.
For a decade, the movement has revelled in entirely righteous and warranted anger about the state of the nation — and the Liberals’ role in weakening our shared economy and culture. But loss after electoral loss has curdled a section of this party into a resentment that has so clouded its capacity to see decency or truth that it cowers in pitiful abeyance to a pants-shitting U.S. president who has more appearances in the Epstein files than on The Apprentice.
The Conservative party is dooming itself to pander to a poisonous clot of cloistered Pick Me boys and girls who stand for nothing, will fight for nothing, and believe in nothing. They are an insubstantial but howling wind. They are moving air.
And, while we’re here, cadets aren’t military. It’s a youth program intended to instil the best military virtues in minors. All things that Conservatives would have supported before they began to move in lockstep with … whatever this is.
The post itself really does have a $16 Orange Juice quality to it. The thing could be seared with heat into a Canadian Heritage minute. To watch the U.S. Secretary of War’s attempt to humiliate women in a military-led youth program on Twitter is such a shameful fall from the competence and ideals America once claimed to espouse, that it’s impossible to ignore the reality of it anymore.
America is too far gone.
Even if the country were to pull back from the brink today, it would take a generation to rebuild the norms and trust required for the United States to function, even imperfectly, as it once did.
The 51st state stuff, the sinister memes, the cartographical imperialism, the basic economic illiteracy, the military incompetence, the grifting, the pathetic and ceaseless goddamn whining — all of it has lost its edge. We’ve normalized and overlooked shit behaviour for years not out of fear, but because we’ve hoped that America could, one day, pull itself back to some kind of normal.
But it’s impossible to look at Hegseth’s tweet and fail to understand — at an instinctual level — how much of America’s decline is now on open display. There is no fucking bottom with these people.
I think we’ve reached the end of a real bilateral relationship with the United States. Friendship is over. Even a transactional alliance is pretty damn close to the brink. Trust has broken on both sides.
But I will note that if your single most reliable friend and ally is consistently saying things like “you are threatening us; we feel like our sovereignty is under attack; we don’t believe that this is really about fairer trade but is rather an expression of dominance intended to undermine and vassalize us,” well, then, America has a choice.
A responsible and sane hegemon would attempt to reassure us, thus creating the political room for a mutually beneficial outcome.
“No, of course we’re not trying to vassalize you, oldest friend. Don’t read too much into our social media antics, we’re just in a weird spot. This is actually about the price of eggs on a Tuesday.”
Instead, we’ve seen Trump administration officials sputter with rage at the incredible insubordination demonstrated by Canada’s decision to ... not move forward with a trade deal. They levied more tariffs on top of the other tariffs that were already an abrogation of CUSMA, with more to come, still. Trump has threatened to cut off all trade to Canada and encouraged our businesses to move south. And then there’s the whole “Lake America” thing.
If the goal of all this bullshit was a better trade deal, then the administration would act rationally and in ways that would increase the likelihood of a better trade deal. Instead, it has chosen to double down on all of the behaviours that exacerbate political hostility.
Which means either that these people are very, very stupid, or that this isn’t about trade at all.
Either way, we’re beyond merely not being able to trust them. It’s increasingly difficult to even respect an America that permits this to continue in its name. (By comparison, what was Canada’s most heinous crime against global electoral politics? The lovechild lightweight with the socks?)
Earlier this week, Prime Minister Mark Carney said he wouldn’t return to the negotiating table until the U.S. administration got serious.
“Stop doing memes, stop throwing shade, stop trying to be tough,” he said. Predictably, pro-meme Americans had an absolute riot with this quote, without really hearing it, or understanding it.
I’ve noted before that Canadians and Americans have very different communications styles, despite sounding the same. When Americans heard Carney, they understood: “We’re not negotiating until you stop doing memes.”
What the Canadian was actually saying was:,“We are not returning to the table because we know very well that you can’t stop doing memes.”
So, strap in, kids. We’re trade warring. We’re in it until either the Americans create the conditions required to offer something that is politically sellable in Ontario; or until Carney’s personal approval ratings begin to crack.
And with a Loyal Opposition that looks as serious and credible as the current Trump administration, that crack ain’t coming soon.
“But what about the midterms and the Democrats?” you ask, hopefully, perhaps eyeing for some sliver of light on the horizon. It’s true, none of what Trump is doing is proving popular in America. Democrats have castigated Trump for a stupid and pointless trade war with Canada. Granted, they seem too often overtaken by MAGA stans who dutifully claim that Canada was the aggressor in this war; that we walked away for political reasons; that our healthy cross border trade is actually proof that we’ve ripped America off all these years; that we’re bullies; that we’re owned wholesale by China; anything, really, to show that they, too, can hate loyally and on command. Because if this administration can make their followers hate even Canada, then surely, they can be made to hate anybody. Once that happens, all of the guardrails and internal restraints really will be gone.
I’m sure a lot of decent Americans exist, and they feel very bad about all of this, just not bad enough to do anything to stop it. The Democrats will use Canada and this war as a cudgel when it serves their own short-term electoral interests, but a concession once given is never going to be returned out of goodwill, or an attempt to repair what’s been done. There is no values-driven throughline in American politics. The mid-terms are not going to be decided on ICE detention centres, Trump’s mental capacity, Lake America, or the number of dead children in Iran. Who controls the House and Senate will be decided by how American voters feel about gas and grocery prices. That’s all.
The rest of us don’t exist to them. Foreigners aren’t real people. They do not care. This is not a country that wants to lead the world anymore. It is retreating into itself, and its own narrowly defined self-interest. In the end, they were not so exceptional. Americans are ordinarily human, just like the rest of us.
But it’s so sad to watch.
I spend too much time watching Canadians’ reaction to what’s happening; the Americucks and the Elbows Up, and the Business Certainty types, and the Hopeful Midterm Wwatchers. I see denial, and anger, and bargaining, depression and fear. All of these emotions are manifestations of grief.
The bilateral relationship is now over and must become something new. Americans are different from what they once were, and less than what they imagined they could be. The world will change in ways we cannot predict.
Anger won’t sustain us in the long run. Denial is self-annihilation.
What’s left when grief clears but clear-eyed acceptance?
It’s time to move on. (this is real.)
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Well written Jen - scary though - the reality of it all.
What can I say but, thanks Jen, for your righteous anger.